Conflict Management

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Biblical Principles for Conflict Management
The Bible differentiates between quarreling and constructive conflict. Quarreling is negative because it refers to vain arguments or disagreements for the purpose of promoting self-worth or causing division.

The Distinction between Quarreling and Constructive Conflict
Quarreling
• Seeks win/lose.
• Tends to divide.
• Speaks exaggerations from strife.
• Is an end in itself.
• Tears down.
• Usually has a hidden agenda.
• Comes from a person pushing an issue.
• Is a battle.
• Is usually hard.

Constructive conflict
• Leads to win/lose.
• Seeks reconciliation.
• Speaks in love.
• Is a means to an end.
• Clears a path to something better.
• Is only about what is in the open.
• Brought about by necessity in communication.
• Is usually hard work.

Approaches to Conflict Management
Avoidance
Avoidance is an effective strategy to use with conflict when:
• The issue is trivial.
• The situation will take care of itself.
• Time is limited.

Avoidance is not effective strategy to use with conflict when:
• The problem is important.
• The problem will not resolve itself and may worsen if neglected.
• Credibility would be lost by avoidance.
• There is a larger, underlying issue that is important to address.

Compromise
Compromise is an effective strategy to use when:
• There is no simple solution.
• Both parties have strong interest in very different facets of the problem.
• The situation is not critical and adequate solution is good enough.

Compromise is not an effective strategy to use when:
• A dangerous precedent would set by failure to hold one’s ground.
• An optimal resolution is possible.
• It is important to avoid concessions of any kind. 

Key Scriptures for Conflict Management
Mirror rather than try to change people’s feelings
• Romans 12:15
• 1 Corinthians 12:26

Seek to edify and be gracious
• Ephesians 4:26-27

Express real emotions, but do not sin
• Ephesians 4:26-27

Settle private disputes privately
• Matthew 18:15-17

Do not keep a record of wrongs
• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Think before you speak
• Proverbs 15:23 & 28

Do not return insult for insult
• 1 Peter 3:8-9

Pursue peace and edification in relationships
• Romans 14:19

Avoid needless quarrels
• Proverbs 120:3
• 2 Timothy 2:24

Remember group member’s interests as well as your own
• Philippians 2:4 

Tips for Conflict Resolution
Don’t Get In A Power Struggle!
• Try to deal with issues rather than personalities.
• Deal with one issue at a time.
• Focus on issues while they are small rather than permitting them to grow over time and become larger ones.
• Set a time for conflict, take time to deal with it.
• Share examples of conflict resolutions you have been involved in so others can grow.